Frosted Dreams;

64/3704

2009-08-24T21:47:36Z

All time Low - Weightless
the hardest part were adding the sparkles on the left :')
ps. credit to whoever the texture belongs to..

Demi Lovato - U got nothing on me
the right side was bitchier to do than you think

John Mayer - Free Fallin

Teddy Geiger - You're Gone
That paper - yeah.. skills my friend, skills.

Teddy Geiger - Thinking Underage
Yah. that's me.. twice.

William Tell - Gone Gone Gone
ewy.

57 down! Pssht.. Too many to go.

2009-06-29T17:13:41Z

Carrie Fletcher - Goodbye
Well, I don't like it.

William Tell - Sounds
Well, I don't like this one either.

McFly - Walk in the Sun
Myeah, I love this one.

Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror.
Love, love this one.

Oasis - Wonderwall
Way too simple.

Valerius - She doesn't know.
The pictures were CRAP to work with. period.

Anyone a good title?

2009-06-19T17:49:09Z

I will never admit you broke me down, or hours spent in bed.

Tears seem to be my best friends these days – days spent to shed.

All I can do is wonder why, A mask I put on.

A two-way mirror, you will not see me torn.

I will mend all the pieces.

I promise you right now – I will see you in the afterlife.

‘Cause I can’t promise anything;

Like we broke down way back then.

‘Cause I can’t promise you the world;

Like I did way back then.

So what happened after all this time?

Why did you lie when you said I love you?

Why didn’t you cry when I said you my Goodbyes?

What happened, to that little girl?

I will hold on moments, break down the wall, I will do my best.

I will try not to break down next time – needs to be said.

All I can do is take the time, Write it down for you.

I’m not a killer, but did it in the past.

I promise you right now – I will see you in the afterlife.

‘Cause I can’t promise anything;

Like we broke down way back then.

‘Cause I can’t promise you the world;

Like I did way back then.

So what happened after all this time?

Why did you lie when you said I love you?

Why didn’t you cry when I said you my Goodbyes?

What happened, to that little girl?

We were once glued together, a photo on a page.

I will tear it all apart.

The memories aren’t worth the harm.

I’d like a blank page, create my own past;

Then write it down.

‘Cause I can’t promise anything;

Like we broke down way back then.

‘Cause I can’t promise you the world;

Like I did way back then.

So what happened after all this time?

‘Cause I can’t promise anything;

Like we broke down way back then.

‘Cause I can’t promise you the world;

Like I did way back then.

So what happened after all this time?

Why did you lie when you said I love you?

Why didn’t you cry when I said you my Goodbyes?

What happened, to that little girl?

So I will not admit – you broke me down..

Multi Colours

2009-05-31T08:53:12Z

There are so many ways I could have started this off.
Perhaps by saying all is just a waste of time.
We can write the words, say the names and we're still at this stop.
If the train would ride along the course it has been given,
we wouldn't be stuck to this wall.
I couldn't give it my all.

Who knew, life would go this way?
Can we really get poetic about the harm it does?
Who said, I couldn't change my ways?
I woke up a while ago; and said what happened was;
It all kept spinning, multi colours.
It broke me down, it held me down.
Until I said STOP.

You and I always say, if we could only find it.
Maybe in that way we can find all that is clear.
We should climb the hill, down the road - I think our paths will split.
We will walk the street along, till we find a hole that's black.
Who will be the one that leads us?
Memory lane is near us.

Who knew, life would go this way?
Can we really get poetic about the harm it does?
Who said, I couldn't change my ways?
I woke up a while ago; and said what happened was;
It all kept spinning, multi colours.
It broke me down, it held me down.
Until I said STOP.

I will never say I do belong,
Looking back upon Yesterday.
Who I am, hates who I've been,
though she's here to stay.
Forgiving is easier than to forget;
They still say; I'm sorry my friend.

Who knew, life would go this way?
Can we really get poetic about the harm it does?
Who said, I couldn't change my ways?
I woke up a while ago; and said what happened was;
It all kept spinning, multi colours.
It broke me down, it held me down.
Until I said..

It all kept spinning, multi colours.
It broke me down, it held me down.
Until I said..

There are so many ways I could have ended this song..

Ps. Thank you Sophie for title idea! x

Update update!

2009-05-29T13:56:35Z

New lyric update!
Ehm, I have bloggity blog's on my main journal! for as long as I can muster. want to do a year, just so I have something to look back upon. but I doubt I will succeed

anyways;

Danny Jones - Look at the sky

McFly - Ignorance

Racoon - Close your Eyes

Nickelback - Someday (I don't remember if I did this one!)

Let Tonight be a Good Night;

2009-05-22T19:14:08Z

When MSN quit on us I sent her a Facebook message.

haha when i was going to reply, facebook said this "Account Temporarily Unavailable."
first msn, now facebook?! :O
oh noo!
soon enough we'll be sending each other hand-written letters!

I Didn't Understand; [41/3422]

2009-05-05T11:01:57Z

I don't remember what I had posted already and what not..
so here it goes,

Danity Kane - Damaged

A Rocket to the Moon - Dakota

Katherine McPhee - Over it

Carrie Fletcher - Attack of the clones

Britney Spears - Circus

Jonas Brothers - Underdog

John Mayer - Say

I think that is it..

It's all kind of crappy, but suck it.! :P

xo

New & semi old;

2009-04-11T13:53:33Z

Over;

Sometimes I say ‘I need him the most’ but somehow I always find another reason

For me to miss him just a little more, Why does the weather change every season.

I always want your hands to pick me up when I fall, down a little longer.

Never once I give the same excuse, but I need you to make me stronger.

Why did we part our ways, what fell down?

Why does time change nothing ever stays the same.

I don’t get why we heal things that aren’t broken.

Maybe we needed the break, but just when will it be over?

Sorry I’d say, whenever I could. But somehow I always find a distraction

By the sun that falls down, get’s replaced now. Well I guess this is my attraction.

I’d waste more songs on you, shed more tears but most of all, cry a little longer.

Even though it’s you I have to blame, I need you to make me stronger.

Why did we part our ways, what fell down?

Why does time change nothing ever stays the same.

I don’t get why we heal things that aren’t broken.

Maybe we needed the break, but just when will it be over?

I’m waiting for time to pass by, for the ache to wander off.

I don’t even think you knew how much I cared, how much you influenced me.

I need to realize that in the end we’ll all be fine, and if we’re not.

Than maybe this is just not the end

Why did we part our ways, what fell down?

Why does time change nothing ever stays the same.

I don’t get why we heal things that aren’t broken.

Maybe we needed the break, but just when will it be over?

Why did we part our ways, what fell down?

Why does time change nothing ever stays the same.

I don’t get why we heal things that aren’t broken.

Maybe we needed the break, but just when will it be over?

Sometimes I say ‘I need him the most’.

Sometimes I lie ‘I don’t need him here’.

But really right now ‘I need him the most’.

Maybe we needed the break, but just when will it be over?

___

She was right;

We were both maybe just 8 years old.
You handed me my ball back when it rolled away.
One week later, you held my hand when we were playing.
We talked for hours even when we heard your mom say;

Stay away from that girl - she is no good for you.
Her hair is messed up - and her clothes are torn.
Her sad expression when you part your ways
Baby boy, you deserve so much more
Baby boy, you deserve so much more

But that was now 10 years ago.
We've both grown up and only hear us on the phone.
You talk about a girl you've met while you were playing.
I fall back onto the ground - for me it is over now.

Stay away from that girl - she is no good for you.
Her hair is messed up - and her clothes are torn.
Her sad expression when you part your ways
Baby boy, you deserve so much more
Baby boy, you deserve so much more

Last time I saw you, you're working now.
I wanted to step by but then turned around.
'cause you got married to that girl
while all I have left are your mom's words.

Stay away from that girl - she is no good for you.
Her hair is messed up - and her clothes are torn.
Her sad expression when you part your ways
Baby boy, you deserve so much more
Maybe she was right, you deserve so much more
I know I wasn't right, you got all you were hoping for
I know I wasn't right, you got all you were hoping for

Oh my.

2009-04-07T12:29:32Z

Talking to Nate who's birthday is today

Nate: How old are you now? 17?
Ilse: Well. 17.5
Nate *all serious*: Right, we wouldn't want to forget about the 0.5. That would be like the pope forgetting his pocket bible.
Ilse *glad he understands*: I KNOW!

Yesh. I miss him!

x

Shake- shake- Shake it!

2009-04-03T15:38:42Z

This has been a long time no see.

I really have nothing to say so I thought I'd give you an update.
Ehm
it's sunny! haven't closed my window in days, that's good I guess.
went shopping yesterday. yay for new clothes..

my mood is good.
school is going good.
my Iphone arrived (that thing is awesome). everybody wanted to see it.. then we had an entire photoshoot with most of the class. once I figured out how to get the phot's on my computer I'll upload them.

next week not too many hours.
then I have an unofficial test week (with just as much tests as in the actual test week but with normal classes next to it) then McFly (15 days ladies and gents) and after that! the official test week.
and then I'm already in the final semester of this school year..

can't believe how time is flying.
woosh!

All I need now is a job, some inspirtation to continue the writing and I'm all set.

Niels should be home now..
let's put the oven on for some food.
not too hungry, but well.

x

Sunny!

2009-03-21T13:35:34Z

Your obsession with Monkeys - Embrace it
I don't have an obsession with monkeys!
Your obsession with saying you don't have an obsession with monkeys - Fix it

Good times!

prikbord is af! w00t!
need to print some new pictures though. 'cause I took a pic of Lyn for my prikbord and she isn't on there yet either..
but this is a first draft if you will.

Ik had een duidelijkere foto, maar, naja. goed. je doet maar alsof je half blind bent! :D

h.e.a.r.t.

2009-03-19T13:42:07Z

lol

This interview person is bashing on Kristen Steward
and the co-host is going like 'I'll watch the movie and then make up my mind about her, since you already did' (Twilight)
then he goes 'But I already watched the movie, she's replacable'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aWhtOAjuYU&feature=player_embedded

the quality ain't good
but it's certainly funny

I can't help myself;

2009-03-10T16:40:09Z

Can I just say.. that.,
gosh, it is funny if you're in my head..

het eerste waar Lyn dan aan denkt als ik 'bankleer' zeg..
Lynnnn!
ik doe toch commerciele diensverlening. dan lijkt het me toch duidelijk dat het geldbanken zijn en geen zitbanken :P

myesh!
funny apple

Ps. edited previous enty!

32/3237 (it's very slowly crawling up)

2009-03-08T15:00:12Z

I can say whatever I want about Tom's lyrc writing skills and eventhough they're amazing..
he got nothing on Taylor Swift.
I swear her lyrics are brilliant,
she knows exactly what she wants to say and writes them down.. yesh. amazed.

Either way..
update update

Rihanna - Umbrella

Taylor Swift - White Horse (I had this idea for a long time, but it turned out so much better than i had planned)

Danity Kane - Stay with me

Taylor Swift - Fifteen

Oh you know what's funny!
my Radio:Active CD has been lost for about 6 months now.. and I found it again today..!
in my cd player.
I couldn't see it through the class. but it slid while it was in the moving box.. and I never opened it up before this morning..
so stupid

Quote Quote Quote

2009-03-05T18:59:43Z

I'm here, I'm queer and I'm eating your pastries!

I swear I say that everytime someone starts with 'I'm here'
it's like a that's what she said reaction

I want you to be here;

2009-03-02T19:23:15Z

Have you seen the sun today?

WOAH!

Roses have Thorns they say;

2009-02-26T18:10:47Z

Oh my
Had to make dinner with my brother..
and we were watching tv while waiting for it to cook
and we were watching modemeiden

it was hilarious

here it goes

Ilse: Denk je dat hij gay is?
Niels: Ik denk het wel
Ilse: Hij ziet er wel zo uit hea..
*Niels zapt weg*
Ilse: Zet terug!
Niels: Waarom?
Ilse: Omdat dat leuk was!
Niels: Kan ik er wat aan doen dat Niels (zo heete een gast op tv) knap is
Ilse *kijkt hem raar aan*: Nou, zo knap was ie nou ook weer niet
Niels: Zekers wel. 10 keer MCFly bij elkaar
Ilse: Dat denk!
Niels: Zekers wel
Ilse: Misschien ben jij wel de gene die gay is hier
*Niels zet terug - er is een ander deel op. 2 meisjes met een ontwerper die een broek maken*
Niels: creatief met Rachella! (zo heet ze niet, maar ik weet der naam niet meer)
Ilse: Wtf?
Niels: Ja! dit was er dinsdag ook op. toen maakte ze een..
Ilse: Een..?
Niels: Capicron?
Ilse: een capricon? (mind you that we were both litterly rofling there)
Niels: een capichon! maar die bedoel ik niet.. zon ding tegen de regen
Ilse: een poncho?
Niels: JAAAAA! een poncho!
Ilse: een capricon (rofl)

it was so funny.
you should have been there

was trying to tell mom about it during dinner, but she couldn't understand one word of what I was saying because I was laughing ot hard..
oh my.
that were some good 10 minutes of tv.

x

Woah?

2009-02-22T19:06:11Z

New UK Mcfly Tour on sale from next Saturday

Our new UK tour goes on sale next Saturday morning at 9am. The last big up close and personal tour sold out the first day. American Idol runnerup David Archuleta is our special guest.

Our concert in Amsterdam sold out in 30 minutes - so unfortunately there are no moe tickets but we will be coming back!

Mcfly

Wahjoooooh!
Who says that?

Either way.
seriously,
I hope they come back soon!

x

Ooh! made the Danity Kane - Stay with Me one today.
it turned out good.
if you know where to look you can find it online..
if not,
well, then you gots to wait.

He's got a car; [28/3170]

2009-02-20T18:53:41Z

Lyric Update!

Looking at the song count number.. went down again?
Strangé! :]

anywho!
got one more idea left, which i'll prolly do tomorrow. but that's tomorrow. I'll prolly edit this post then.

Boyce Avenue - Landslide (cover) yeah, you've seen this before

Gavin DeGraw - We Belong Together (so so)

Lady Gaga - Just Dance <3

McFly - Falling in Love

got my McFly ticket in the mail yesterday..
w00t! am actually going!
I seriously still can't believe it.
am gonna see that boy ^^ live!
pretty!

speaking of pretty!
new guy in Ugly Betty..
pretty!

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a370/XxMiixX/28112pcn-ferrera46-thumb.jpg

and ehm..
right!
end of winter/beginning of spring/dutch south holiday/flower holiday started today!
yaaay! :]

Wie lange?

2009-02-09T15:24:43Z

It's not till later that I noticed all my updates have a simmilarity.
well, suck on it..

Jonas Brothers - Burning Up

LoveHateHero - Red Dress

McFly - Too Close for Comfort

Taylor Swift - I'd Lie

It's not my favourite update.. but whatever.,.

and then 2 things..
because I haven't mentioned here that

MCFLY IS COMING!
OH YEAH!!

and!
it's all done!
uploaded everything..
have a looksy.
comment..
do something with it! :]

http://virgo.galacgallery.com/FrostedDreamsOnIce/index.php

x

SNAP!

2009-02-04T15:48:01Z

Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that [Harry Potterauthor] Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and [Twilightauthor] Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She’s not very good.

Stephen King tells USA Today
Words from the greatest writer in my book..
I told you Breaking Dawn sucked!
http://perezhilton.com/2009-02-04-quote-of-the-day-436

EDIT!
Danny hypnotising extended!

the field had fruits, flowers and sunshine.. oh my!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oKMM7fJzgM&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div

Strawberry Fields;

2009-02-03T17:35:11Z

I did my first McFly song for the project..
update will be when I have more..
for now

a quote!

If we were to do a McFly Nativity play, who'd get a lead role and who'd be the donkey?
Danny: Dougie would get the lead role.
Dougie: Danny would be the donkey because he looks a bit like one.
Tom: Harry would be...
Danny: Shepherd?
Dougie: Mary! Mary!
Tom: Yeah, Mary. [To Dougie] And you'd be the baby Jesus, and I'd be...
Dougie: [erupting with laughter] He'd be the fairy! We'd hang him up and put a thong and wings on him!
Danny: You could be one of the sheep that the shepherds had to mind.
Tom: I want to bring frankincense. And myrrh. What was the other one?
[We prompt him.]
Tom: So one of them brought gold, and one of them - we've had this conversation before.
Dougie: Incense.
Tom: No, frankincense. Frankenstein, one of them brought Frankenstein.
Danny: Hey, wait a minute, donkeys are cool!
Tom: What is frankincense? And myrrh, I've never seen it.
Danny: Frankincense is a scent.
Tom: Is that what it is?
Danny: Yeah, and you can put it around your house for Christmas. You can buy it, my nan has it.
Tom: We learned something new from Danny today.
Dougie: How the hell does he know that?
Danny: Because my nan has it. I know these things!
Dougie: Danny is thick.
Danny: D'you know what? Going back to the donkey thing, donkeys are cool because the donkey in Shrek is very cool and I'd be like him.

Do you bicker like this when you're on tour?
Danny: We are very take the mick- I don't take the mick out of anyone.
Dougie: "We are very take the mick"?
Danny: No, I stopped halfway through!
Dougie: We are very take the mick, yeah...
Danny: I stopped halfway through and realised what I said, and said something else.
Tom: Yeah, all right, Donkey Boy.
Dougie: "I like donkeys 'cos donkeys are cool..."
Danny: In Shrek! I said like the one in Shrek! [Calming down] What I was going to say is, I don't take the mick out of anyone, I get bullied in this band. I am following...oh no, I've not got the band on today.
Tom: I have! [Proudly displays Beat Bullying wristband.]
Danny: Yes, beat bullying in McFly, that's what I say.
Dougie: He's into physical punishment - he'll beat you, he'll punch you. We just verbally taunt him and he comes back with a big wallop.
Danny: I can only take so much, and [makes high-pitched squealing noise] it comes out!

Look where we are Now

2009-02-02T13:39:15Z

So! it's a lyric project update..!
This is one of the idea I had planned out.

Teddy Geiger - Look where we are Now

It's my former-bestie by the way. sadly we grew apart over time (well, I guess moving had something to do with it) I talk to her through hyves from time to time though..
Was a bitch to do. 'cause nothing seemed to work.
when I had the outer parts the inner one didn't co-opperate.
and then I had the inner one done the outer ones didn't match..
it took me a while to like this, but now I love it (I like her side better than mine)
I love the txting as well 8-)

yesh!
right..!

f-ed up maths today!
Economics and dutch tomorrow,w00t!

RIGHT!
Quote

Karel: Ik heb wel honger..
Ik: Had je misschien moeten lunchen
Karel: Nee.. ik had gewoon moeten middageten

it's probably funnier if you were there.

I guess I will just float;

2009-02-01T11:16:48Z

It has been a while since an update!
Well, I guess life has been too busy for me.
Exams next week, had to finish 2 'essay's' finished them! took me longer than I had planned for, so I only have today left to study. it's my mom's and Karel's 10 year anniversary today - family is coming over. I have three hours to study what I had 3 days planned for. Ah well!

I got my files back, haven't had time to write again yet.

I recorded my songs a while ago - but I'm not too fond of it yet.
I can't even upload them o.O I need to change the file type somehow.. That's gonna take some mingling!
sorta.
well, here's the update..

I haven't done squad in time..
no writing, no psing..
oh! I did do that..!

http://crashing-pieces.livejournal.com/67270.html

I have some good ideas for new blending's. but like I said.. after examperiod I'll get busy again!
(I didn't say that, but let's pretend I did!)

Love,
a monkey.

PS.

part of one project was designing a.. what's it called for myself.
it has to have your name on it, a picture of some sort and your best qualities (from a prior excersize)

Frosted Dreams; Ch. 2 pt. 1

2009-01-25T20:29:09Z

He wasn’t the only strange thing happening in my life anymore. For some reason ever since I met him I started noticing the odd things more often than I usually did. Maybe not everything had sparkles around it – but there’s a guy who comes into the store every Saturday morning, he stands still in a corner just observing things for 10 minutes and then leaves again.
    Nobody asks him what he’s doing there, he doesn’t bother anyone with his presence. But it’s strange.
    I as well started noticing facial expressions more, adding thoughts to them in my head though I’m never sure whether I’m right or not. There’s the obvious, happy. But there are a million ways you can show you’re happy. There’s the – I kind of like you laugh but I won’t admit it – you play it coy. There of course is the – that was funny laugh – but that one is easily mistaken with the – I laugh because if I don’t it will hurt your feelings -. You can only set those two apart if you heard both once from the same person.
    There’s the wide smile with lips closed, usually thrown at you when you’re in a new situation, uncomfortable. A full on smile is usually used when you’re with your friends and not ashamed of anything. The half-smile is for the shy and for those who think something is a little amusing but not too much. The fake smile is also there in two-ways.
The fake smile sometimes is used by fake people, it’s easier to get something done when you add a smile to your wishes. But then there’s also the more meaningful fake smile. I use it constantly. A girl that enters the library a lot after school always has one plastered on her lips.
    It’s used by the broken, the ones that don’t fit in but won’t admit it to the world.
    Of course there’s sad, but I haven’t quite figured that one out quite yet. I never dared looking at sad people any longer than just a second. I feared they might just wonder what I’m looking at, or maybe why I didn’t leave them alone. I’d rather adjust my eyes and look the other way.

    Jake’s eyes met mine again three days later, once again the school library – returning the book he borrowed. I putted on my perky voice I created over the last couple of weeks, apparently people don’t like hearing the sound of my grim voice.
    “Did you enjoy your book sir?” I flashed him a smile, scanning the article and then placing it in the returning’s box. “I quite liked it, yes.” My smile didn’t fade, though it did start getting uncomfortable – he didn’t leave.
    I sighed silently and dropped it, that’s when his face lit up a little bit – he left. It was like he was waiting for me to drop the act before he could go on with his life, like he needed some reassurance of me being sane before he could leave me alone.
    He could see right through me, through the lies I tell to the world. As if he knew my story ever so well but wanted me to tell him. For him it was just waiting for the right time to pass by. Waiting for me to finally crack of being held in silence for so long.
    That of course was all my fault, I could talk to many, I just never felt the need for it.
    Or maybe it was just the feeling of not wanting to share, afraid it would break me again. Scared it would make me cry and feel every inch of pain I tried so hard to hide. The cracks I mended with cheap glue, the lies under the couch cushion. It was all so easy to find, all I could do was avoid the subject and not make myself land in places where it will be revealed.
    Moments like this when I’m in silence, when I have nothing to do but to stare ahead.
    It’s also now that I’ve noticed that I picked up a few other hobbies. I liked counting the bricks on the wall behind me when there wasn’t anyone who needed my assistance. Sometimes I could stand still and clean my nails for hours on.
    I did everything I could to keep me busy. To keep my thoughts from wandering off towards the wrong places, or even worse. Him.
    No, I definitely not wanted him on my mind. Maybe that was the hardest of all. It was like he was my piece of chocolate when I was on a strict diet, knowing it’s bad but it was ever so delicious. That’s what thinking about him made of me.
    An addict.
    I looked down at the blue box, it only contained the book he borrowed. I crouched down gently and with a soft touch I picked it up. For some reason I was being very careful, like it was made of porcelain and with my luck, I would break it. It was a plain book, one like I had held many. I dropped it back in with a sigh when a girl came to me asking for the history books. I directed her to the far left isle when I spotted him again. He had a book in his hands, open, but he looked at me. A small smile curled on his lips when I met his gaze.
    The girl wandered off, but he drew near. I couldn’t help myself, it was a habit. I was in awe. I wanted to put my finger on it, I really did but I just couldn’t.
    “So, I was wondering.” He started when I was in hearing distance, I forced a smile on my face – the one he hated most. He stopped when he saw it, leaned against the counter waiting patiently for it to pass like it always did.
    He does know me well. He knows the things that bug me, such as the smile I was wearing right now, the voice I putted up for strangers. He knew the things about him that bothered me, he knew exactly how to get my attention, all he had to do was look me in the eyes, smile. I let the corners of my mouth fall down, he looked pleased.
    “That perhaps we could hang out later, have a proper conversation.” He emphasized the word proper. I wondered though; I could have a proper conversation with him, but I would like it if he could tell me truth every now and then, the reasons for why he was here. I nodded slowly, unsure of my own reply.
    “Alright, I’ll see you after your shift.” I nodded briefly and watched him walk away after placing the book he was holding on the counter. I finally let go of the air I was holding when he was out of sight.
    I picked up his book and the one he dropped off earlier to place them back at the correct spaces all the while wondering what plans he got up his sleeves.

    “When did you graduate then?” the girl I met earlier asked me when I was next to her. How did she know I graduated – I didn’t even graduate. “Excuse me?” she smiled slightly. “Keith told me you graduated early, that that was the reason you’re never in classes.”
“Keith?” This girl was confusing me, maybe she meant someone else. She laughed lightly, never taking her eyes of the search for the book she was looking for.
    “I suppose he has a habit of not saying his name, he thinks everybody knows him well enough. Well, I guess everybody does. He’s quite popular around campus; but when you don’t get around in classes you don’t hear the gossip. Must be hard for you.” It was a small ramble she gave me, it didn’t seem to end. “People talk about you too. Wonder why you’re always here. That’s why Keith went here – he thought asking you out would help for the answers. I told him it wouldn’t work. I guess I was right.” I nodded briefly. “So, when did you graduate?”
    I was a bit startled. This was the first time someone actually spoke to me in a while, besides Jake of course. “Last year?” I once again said with hesitation, she didn’t seem to bothered with it.
    A smile spread across her lips as if she just saw something that made her very happy. Soon that answer came as she pulled out a book from the shelf and walked towards the counter where I’m suppose to be standing. I quickly followed her, quickening my pace.
    She handed me her book and card with a smile, I returned that favour. “My name is Tess by the way. I must have forgotten to mention that earlier.” I nodded. “Alice.” She once again threw her light laugh at me. “I know that.” Of course she did.
    “We should hang out sometime.” I nodded again. It was like I was talking to Jake – the way I was at a loss for words. This time it wasn’t caused by the looks of the person in front of me, though there was no denying in the fact that Tess was probably one of the prettiest girls in this school. It was more the fact that she told me so much information that it was hard to process it all at once.
    How much did everybody in this building talk about me and how much did they actually know. The vital bits of information that I was hiding was still a secret right? Well, I guess I would find that all out if I would ever talk to Tess again.
    She waved at me before she left, leaving me behind motionless in an almost empty library. I sighed and sat down on the stool near the wall, taking out a crossword puzzle from one of the drawers. I wasn’t suppose to be doing this, but I needed some quick distraction and the small tasks this puzzle puts me on was just the way.

***

    A proper conversation. His words lingered in the back of my mind when I was walking through the school building later that day. I wondered what his questions were going to be, or if he would have any insane demands.
    I wondered where he would want to meet me, not in my home I hoped. Something about Jake made me push the thought of him being Jason out of my head and I felt sort of safe with him – comfortable to tell him the truth almost even. But I had to be careful. He was still out there looking for me and even though the police was sure I was safe here, it didn’t calm me. Nothing actually calmed me but the fact of death itself.
    I wasn’t one who would end her life before it was really time to go, but if I was ever in the place where there was no going back I would be with my parents again, safe. The thoughts of him watching me from afar were more scary than that. The thoughts of him being Jake scared me more than that. Death was just something simple – hiding was more complicated than that.
    I locked the doors behind me when I spotted him waiting for me there, leaning against the fence as he had always done. He smiled when he saw me, my heart raced.

    I found out that I have two ways to be scared. With one I was just a carcass, heart beat going up quickly. I would feel numb, there was nothing around me, nothing in me except my unsteady heartbeat, I was hollow. I would feel that way when I was waiting for something a bit more pleasant, perhaps this visit – but it would make me nervous either way.
    The second way is when I feel small, my stomach would knot and my muscles would tense up. My heart rate would still go up and beat unsteadily. It was when I was scared of something, when I thought about Jason.
    But right now I started feeling numb again and it took me a great deal of strength to edge closer to him. I smiled slightly, as did he.
    “A proper conversation.” This time I spoke the words when I was next him. The autumn air breezed through my hair and hit my skin with force. I just started noticing that it was indeed getting colder, fall did start last week. I stuffed my hands deeper in my pockets while I looked at him, hoping to find some answer as to where we’re going. He didn’t say a word, he just walked ahead of me, hoping I’d follow.
    Even if I wanted to stay behind or turn the other way, I couldn’t. I hurried my pace to walk next to him and finally mustered the question to roll of my lips. “Where are we going?” He didn’t look at me the entire time he was walking, but on that point he looked down, still a friendly smile plastered on his lips. He had me there.
    “A café in town. Figured it be a bit warmer than the park.” I nodded absently, doubted my mind got a full hold on the idea. A proper conversation. This time it was again his words in my mind. What did he mean with proper?
    I soon would find out ‘cause he was holding a door open for me. I looked at him a little wary but stepped inside the building. The temperature was a lot nicer inside than it was outside. I took my coat off before sitting down on a chair when he was walking towards the counter – ordering something to drink I’m assuming.
    I stared around the place a little confused. I’ve been living here for quite some time and even though since I met him things did start taking shapes again, I’ve never seen this place before. Maybe because my mind was elsewhere, I don’t know. But it looked nice.
    “You can start today.”
    I was abruptly taken out of my ray of thoughts and pressed back again in reality where Jake was sitting before me, looking at me curiously. “With what?” I wondered while the waitress came to our table, settling down two mugs of hot coco. I smile thankfully before turning my attention back Jake.
    “The proper conversation, you start.” He took a sip carefully, watching me. “Why are you working two jobs?”
I grimaced. He lead me towards the couch, he lifted up the cushion my secret was stashed under. He wanted to know. I took a deep breath; trying to come up with something to cover it up quick.
    “I ran away from home, landed here. I can’t survive without money.” It wasn’t a total lie. I did run away, I did land here and I do need money. He looked at me with the same expression he did when I putted on the smile in the library. His look was screaming ‘knock down the wall’ to me. I took a quick sip of my coco, scrambling words together.
    “My parents got killed, I needed to run.” I spoke in a whisper though there was noone surrounding us. I looked him in the eyes, my mistake I guess. But he didn’t whimper. For someone who just heard the word killed he was awfully calm. My immediate thought went to Jason, until he grabbed my hand.
    His skin on mine was like silk, it soothed me. It made the words seem less hard, eased the blow for me. It was the first time in 20 days that I openly thought about it, I openly talked about it. It stung, it stung bad. But I once again was mesmerized.
    “You’re safe now right?” he asked as though he was concerned, but there was an underlining in his tone that felt as if he already knew the answer. Everything he said felt like he knew more about the entire thing than I did.
    “I guess, police seems to think so.” My words were still spoken with a soft edge. Everywhere I went I was still on the lookout for danger – but I guess on some point on the past 22 days I eased, maybe because I wasn’t bothered with always being so careful.
    His hand gave mine a gentle squeeze and then let go.
    I felt lost.
    His touch calmed me, all the men in my head sat down silently, catching their breath and now he had let go they were all running around again. My mind started racing. I didn’t even have time to form sentences, questions to ask him. I didn’t sip my drink, I barely breathed. My heartbeat started picking up its pace, a knot in my stomach was formed. I felt very small. All because he had let go.
    It was quiet, thought I barely noticed. I forced myself to look back up to him, meet his gaze, construct myself back to reality. He looked worried for some reason, scared almost even. But I got what I wanted, I got back to earth safely.
    “How..?” he sounded more unsure about certain things now than he did before. Maybe his acting skills got better, because he didn’t sound like he knew all about me anymore. I took a deep breath, sipped my drink carefully. Spacing out my time – how to start?     Should I even tell him? The threat of my safety was hovering over my head. Magic. How stupid must that sound if I tell him I think it all belongs to magic. A small smile formed on my lips, I immediately regretted it when Jake spoke.
    “What’s so amusing?” He didn’t seem too amused by it, he was serious, he looked at me sternly. I shook my head lightly, dismissing the thought. “Nothing.” He was confused but didn’t say anything anymore.
    There was another moment in time where we were both quiet. The proper conversation we once had intended on having was thrown out the window. I was sipping my cup trying to figure out why I had told him what happened. He opened the gates I knew that much. I looked at him, but for once he wasn’t looking back. He had his eyes on the table, he seemed in deep thoughts and I didn’t want to bother him, he looked troubled.
    My hand inched closer towards his, I touched him barely when he looked up again, a half smile on his face.
    The one used by the broken.
    “There was a guy in my life a long time ago. He said he loved me, said every right word to get every woman to fall in love with him. Including me.” I was talking, but I had no control over the words. A mere minute ago I was doubting whether I should tell him or not and now I was talking about Jason. What is it that he’s doing to me? I trembled, I was on the edge of breaking down and that was really the last thing I wanted right now.
    He grabbed my hand in his again, as if he knew it soothed me. I looked down, small smile crept on my face though a tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, doing my very best to keep others from falling as I scrambled for the next words.
    “In the end of course it was all a lie. A switch in his mind got flicked and all of the sudden he was angry – forcing words on me like you did some days ago.” The words were soft, like I was scared. Scared of his reaction. I looked up from our hands to his face.
His eyes said it all – he really was sorry.
    “Then one day when I was out of town he killed them, waited patiently for my return. Once I did get home we got into a fight. Maybe it was just him trying to kill me, me dodging his hands. We must have made a lot of noise because the police came around. Then suddenly he vanished.”
    I was looking back upon the memories, everything that I tried to hide for so long, I wanted to forget about it. Right now I’m starting to realize how strange the word vanished sounded in this context. How maybe I really was in shock and he just ran with the sound of the sirens. But if I imagined that, what about the marks on my parent’s bodies? His hands burning when he came to me?
    “I ran, talked to the police while I was packing my bag. Took the first bus I saw, went to the station. Got in random cars – after three days I landed here. Bought the apartment I’m now living in.”
    My words were empty. It was the outline of the entire story, I couldn’t tell him about the magic. I couldn’t let him know what I saw and what everybody else blamed on the shock. It was all part of something I’d rather forget about, something I didn’t want him to know about me. it might repel him. Or worse, he knows Jason.
    But then again, if he did know Jason. Jake knew where I lived, where I worked. He could have killed me a million times by now.
    I sighed deeply, drying my eyes fully with the sleeve of my sweater and took the final sip of my drink. I was afraid to look at him, his reaction. When he let go of my hand I was forced to look up.
    He seemed worried.
    I waited for a reaction, a change in his facial expression. But he kept staring quietly ahead, not meeting my gaze. Perhaps just as scared as I was.

    I couldn’t stand the quietness, it was unbarring really. What was on his mind that made his usual happy expression change into something so.. I didn’t know the word I was looking for. I guess his mode was indescribable.
    “Jake..?” I wondered a little unsure.
    This time it was my voice that broke him out of his thoughts. I threw him a little unsure smile. For some reason everything just turned around and I was the one trying to be strong for him.
    I sure looked a little more certain than him at the moment. I don’t know what it was – I was far from ready to leave it all behind. As long as Jason was still out there I couldn’t give it closure yet. but I’ve been scared for three days and when I came here I had to be stronger. And I guess that armour was harder to break down than I thought it was. I didn’t want to walk out of here and back on the streets looking like the girl that just cried.
    By the looks of Jake now I was glad I didn’t tell him the entire magic tale. If he was already this shocked about anything human coming after me – who would know what he would feel if he had to worry about the entire magic realm as well. Of course I wasn’t certain if he believed in that. And when you don’t believe you can hardly be nervous about it.
    I think in both ways it’s better that I didn’t tell him my ‘theories’.

    “Sorry, I had many theories as to why you were here. I just didn’t think death would be a part of it. I’m sorry I made you tell me.” he sounded apologetic.
    I shook my head, dismissing the apology. It wasn’t as if he demanded me to tell him. But on the same hand I wasn’t about to tell him when I came here – his presence drew it out of me. His mesmerizing presence.
    “Don’t worry about it.” On the same note I barely told him anything. I would be rather mad with myself if he would feel guilty over only half the truth.

Frosted Dreams;

64/3704

57 down! Pssht.. Too many to go.

Anyone a good title?

Multi Colours

Update update!

Let Tonight be a Good Night;

haha when i was going to reply, facebook said this "Account Temporarily Unavailable."first msn, now facebook?! :Ooh noo!soon enough we'll be sending each other hand-written letters!

I Didn't Understand; [41/3422]

New & semi old;

Oh my.

Shake- shake- Shake it!

Sunny!

h.e.a.r.t.

I can't help myself;

32/3237 (it's very slowly crawling up)

Quote Quote Quote

I want you to be here;

Roses have Thorns they say;

Woah?

He's got a car; [28/3170]

Wie lange?

SNAP!

Strawberry Fields;

Look where we are Now

I guess I will just float;

Frosted Dreams; Ch. 2 pt. 1

haha when i was going to reply, facebook said this "Account Temporarily Unavailable."
first msn, now facebook?! :O
oh noo!
soon enough we'll be sending each other hand-written letters!